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I Declare!

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I am a beginner!

Think about the last time you had to take on a new challenge at work or in your personal life. How did you feel about that challenge? Did you tread the line between excitement and panic? The way you felt about this new challenge tells you a lot about your personal declarations. If you are excited about a new challenge you are probably declaring “I got this!” if you are in panic mode you may be declaring “I’m going to crash and burn”.

These personal declarations are a huge part of our lives. We are constantly generating new possibilities with our assessments about how things are going to go. Occasionally we are aware of these thoughts and we can adjust them accordingly. We can give ourselves a pep talk and march ahead. However too often we don’t hear these declarations, and they can really inhibit our success, happiness and confidence.

Do any of these sound familiar?
• I’m not good enough.
• I’m not smart enough.
• I can’t do it.
• I’m going to fail.
• I’m going to let everyone down.

These declarations are so powerful, we may not even realize the influence they have on our choices. Maybe you are stuck in a job you hate because you are too afraid to make a change. Perhaps you are resigned to an unfulfilling relationship because you don’t think anyone could ever love you the way you are. When you feel a knot in your stomach, or tension in your shoulders about something and you can’t quite figure out why, that could be an indication that there is a declaration you are holding about an issue that needs to be addressed. Have a look, what do you see? Is there a story you have been telling but haven’t been hearing?

One of the most common declarations people hold is “I’m not good enough”, this one can come up when we are doing something new that we think we SHOULD be good at.

I’ll give you a personal example, when I 1st started coaching I was so worried about doing a good job, I had seen Master Coaches in action and I was positive I could never get to that level. My expectation about the level I SHOULD be at was completely unrealistic. Of course I wasn’t a Master Coach, but I was prepared and qualified as a Coach. I had to question my declaration of “I’ll never be good enough to be a Master Coach”. It wasn’t serving me at all. I needed a new declaration that would create a new possibility. I took a deep breath and declared “I am a beginner”. This gave me the permission to feel awkward, a bit uncomfortable and it created the space for me to learn and grow.

What declaration are you going to challenge and replace with something that truly serves you?

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Are you sure?

 

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Everyday I tell myself that today I’m going to welcome all new ideas, perspectives and opinions with open arms, I’m definitely not going to get stuck thinking that my point of view is ‘right’ or that my way of doing something is the only way it can get done.

Now how many days actually go like that?  Not very many…

I know there is a chance that someone else might know more than me, might be more creative, could bring new and unique perspective to a challenge I’m working on.  So why do I sometimes find myself getting dug in on wanting my way, or thinking I’m right because you know… I think I’m right.

Wouldn’t it be great if our natural response to a different perspective was “Wow how lucky am I, now I have two great points of view to consider!”  I think it’s natural to feel like we need to defend our POV, we are a reflection of our beliefs, so if our beliefs are challenged then in a way our value is being questioned.

Where it gets tricky is separating fact from fiction.  So often what we hold onto as “true” is not true it’s just our opinion.  Yet as soon as we label it as true it becomes a fact for us, something that could define us.  It becomes something we have to defend.  If I believe something to be true and you believe something different then by default what you believe is false.

The best example of this is watching two commentators on CNN argue about the politics.  Both sides present so many compelling “”Facts” about why their side is right and the other side is wrong.  There are no facts, there are just opinions, and I think we all know what they say about opinions and a certain body part 😉

Here’s an experiment you can try.  Put a Post It note on your monitor or somewhere you will see it all the time that says “ARE YOU SURE?”  The next time you feel like you are right and they are wrong or you have to defend your truth take a second and ask yourself “Are you Sure?”  Are you really right?  Is this really a fact or could it be your opinion?  If you find it is just your opinion then it’s much easier to open up and consider a new viewpoint.  You never know, maybe that will lead to a new possibility for action that you never considered.

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The New Macho – Masculinity Redefined

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The New Macho

By Boysen Hodgson.

He cleans up after himself.
He cleans up the planet.
He is a role model for young men.
He is rigorously honest and fiercely optimistic.

He holds himself accountable.
He knows what he feels.
He knows how to cry and he lets it go.
He knows how to rage without hurting others.
He knows how to fear and how to keep moving.
He seeks self-mastery.

He’s let go of childish shame.
He feels guilty when he’s done something wrong.
He is kind to men, kind to women, kind to children.
He teaches others how to be kind.
He says he’s sorry.

He stopped blaming women or his parents or men for his pain years ago.
He stopped letting his defenses ruin his relationships.
He stopped letting his penis run his life.
He has enough self respect to tell the truth.
He creates intimacy and trust with his actions.
He has men that he trusts and that he turns to for support.
He knows how to roll with it.
He knows how to make it happen.
He is disciplined when he needs to be.
He is flexible when he needs to be.
He knows how to listen from the core of his being.

He’s not afraid to get dirty.
He’s ready to confront his own limitations.
He has high expectations for himself and for those he connects with.
He looks for ways to serve others.
He knows he is an individual.
He knows that we are all one.
He knows he is an animal and a part of nature.
He knows his spirit and his connection to something greater.

He knows future generations are watching his actions.
He builds communities where people are respected and valued.
He takes responsibility for himself.
In times of need, he will be his brother’s keeper.

He knows his higher purpose.
He loves with fierceness.
He laughs with abandon, because he gets the joke.

This is a picture of mature masculine, of healthy masculinity – it is one redefinition of masculinity for the 21st century. By no means is this list complete.

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Throwing My Cap in the Air!

This is a really special day for me.  The 1st part of a life long journey is coming to a close.  Today is the official close of the Newfield Coach Training Program.

I have been blessed to take part in one of the top coaching programs in the world.  I started in October 2013 with so many questions about what was going to happen.  What exactly was ontological coaching, Would I like it? Could I actually do this?  Would I be any good at it?  I did the 1st part of the program through the University of Calgary and I did the actual Coach Training portion in Colorado.  Along the way I have met so many amazing people who have taught me so much.  Not just about Coaching but also about myself.  I know I have found my true calling, every hour I have spent coaching has been so rewarding.  I’m so grateful for all of the support I have had to get to this point.

Coaching is a true service profession and I love knowing that I will be able to spend my time in service to others.  I believe we are all whole and complete beings with all the strength and resources we need.  Sometimes we get stuck and a powerful conversation can help clear the path to new possibilities for action.  Having the opportunity to be a part of those conversations is a gift.

The future is so bright and I’m excited to take the next step.

This is the 2014 graduating class of The Newfield Network Coach training program 🙂

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